The New Me.....

Well what a rollercoaster the last few weeks have been. The girls have settled into school really well. Talia is now, to my surprise, is doing accelerated maths. I wont fully know how they are doing until the reports come out in July.
On the down part my eldest sister has taken a turn for the worst and has admitted her self back into the psych ward. She suffers d\from Bi-Polar and it is so painful to watch someone you love go down hill. Now that she is there she is getting the help she needs, they are playing with her meds and hopefully she will be home soon.
they allowed her to go out for an hour yesterday with me, so that we could get our hair cut. Jenni is finally growing her hair longish and she has put a fantastic red colour through her hair.
I am also growing my hair as it has been short for the past 5 years. It is in that inbetween horrible stage and I wear it in a pony tail most of the time. So I said to my hairdresser Katie do something with it...And she did..
I love having it straight, for those who share the burden of curly hair with me would understand. Being able to run a hairbrush through or waking up without a rats nest....It only took about 10min to do but the downside is that as soon as it gets wet it will go back curly.
I might have to put a colour through soon to hide the ever increasing greys.

I have finally set up a savings acct or my moving acct so that I can get some money saved or I am not going anywhere. It is one of those accts that has no card and rewards you if you have withdrawals. I have done a few sums and I figured I will need about $6000.... I need to pull my finger out as I only have 6 months. We are planning on leaving at the end of Nov as Robbie Williams is playing in Perth on the 1st Dec and I sooooo want to go to that.

Matthew went and saw the child health nurse on Wed as I have been concerned with his lack of speech and other things. She has been monitoring him and wanted to see him before his 2nd birthday. Well his speech and gross motor skills are between 12 and 18 months and he has very basic comprehension. He will be getting his hearing tested within the next 3 weeks. Yesterday the nurse rang back as she had been thinking about Matthew and she wants to see him Monday week to get the ball rolling on early intivention. She has relieved my fears that there is nothing wrong with him except that he needs a little nudge in the right direction....

So that is my news all wrapped up .....

Another week gone.....

I cant believe it almost has been two weeks since the girls have come home. Things are still busy and the girls are back at East Loddon P-12 College. Talia is very happy to be back and Eloise is settling in very well. Eloise's teacher is Mr Leed who is VERY tall and looks rather amusing teaching all these tiny tots...But he relates to them very well. Talia is in a split class she has her old Prep teacher Mrs Vernon for her home room classes and Mr Smith for her literacy and numeracy block which I am happy with as Talia sometimes needs a firm push in regards to her concentration.
I finally got my stitches out on Tuesday after them being there for 2 weeks and driving me crazy, the results came back as the doctor suspected. Mild skin cancer is what he said...How you can get "mild cancer" is beyond me, however it is all gone and now I have to have 6 monthly skin checks for the rest of my life and make sure that I really cover up when I am out in the sun. Which I do anyway. So I am now officially a statistic....1 in 3 people will get skin cancer in their life.
Matthew is doing well, very happy that he has his sisters back to annoy and he is even saying a few more words...His latest is "nona" which is Connor. So all of his words are "oscar", "puppy", "bobby" he also says "thank you" and sometimes "Jen" and "Mum" and "bath. He has also learnt "wohoo" and to spin around. So things are progressing slowly. We are off to the Child Health Nurse next week as she wanted to asses him before his second birthday for his speech and if required to get the ball rolling for speech therapy.

So things are never boring around here :)

My Girls are finally home

Well as per usual things didn't go to plan. My ex MIL rang on the night before she was to fly the girls home and said that plans had changed. The road to Darwin had flooded and there was no way they would be able to get up there, so they were to drive to Kununurra the next day and fly to Broome and then on to Melbourne. They were to get in on Sat morn at 6.30am....
As it was they had to drive to Kununurra in the 4WD and the water was rising and seeping into the cars as they were driving!

So Jen and I set the alarm for 3am Sat morn, I didn't sleep much as I was scared that I would sleep through the alarm. I woke up Matthew and put him in the car seat, hoping that he would fall back to sleep (that didn't happen) and off we drove.

We got to Melb airport right on 6 am just to see that the plane was early and it had just landed, so it was a mad dash up to arrivals so that I would be there when the girls got off the plane. They ran straight to me......

I was then told all about there quick trip to Broome and how they had a sunset camel ride alone Cable Beach and that they had a great time but they really missed me and they were really glad to be home.

We had breakfast with Nana who had to make the return flight all the way back to Kununurra via Perth. Once we left the airport we then went to Highpoint for some shopping, I got my ears pierced again (up the top) the girls watched and thought I was very brave....

We ended up getting home at about 6.30pm and the girls were happy but tired, all 3 kids were asleep just after 7pm....

I a very happy mummy!!!!!

The Girls Are Home Tomorrow !!!!!

I cant wait........The girls will be flying in tomorrow morning at 6.55am, this does mean a very early start for us. Getting out of bed at 2am is not my ideal start but it does not matter.
I was a bit worried at the start of the week with ex-tropical cyclone Monica going past Darwin as they had shut down the Airport and then it was fingers crossed that there was no flooding but it all looks good.
I have posted some photos of the girls that my Sister In Law sent from her wedding...Don't they look gorgeous

Happy Belated Easter Everyone!!!!!!

We had a very quiet Easter without the girls, the Easter Bunny dropped off a Elegant Rabbit to Matthew during the night and he has been enjoying it....Takes after his mum in regards to Choccy.
The rest of the week past very uneventful until Tuesday...
Jen and I were heading down to Bendigo to do the fortnightly shop when only a few KM from home I noticed the temp gauge in the car was rising....Not normal for my car so I turned around to head back home when there was a almighty BANG under the bonnet...OH NO...I pulled straight over with my heart going ten to the dozen. I thought I had blown my engine ( the temp gauge hadn't gone over 3/4 mind you!)
So Jen stayed with the car and Matthew and I walked back to get her car from home...It was only 1km, the day continued being a pain with us unable to do most of the shopping due to road closures around Bendigo with the Easter Parade.
Good Ol Uncle Dave towed the car home that evening and had a quick look (the advantages of having a mechanic in the family) it was the top radiator hose blown as well as the belt for the water pump....So it would be a matter of fixing those to find out if any more damage had been done to the engine.
Wednesday Jen and I headed off to the doctor to get the annual flu jab (oh the joys of being a chronic asthmatic) normally a community nurse gives me mine but the doc had changed practices so he has it all at the surgery...Anyway he noticed a mark on my upper arm and asked how long it had been there....I wasn't sure, it wasn't a mole so I never took much notice. He went off to get the looky things they use and had a really good sticky beak. He then turned to me and said it has to be moved asap and do I have any more of these marks on my body. I said that I had quiet a few moles removed in my early 20's from my back, so he had another look and there was another one of these things in the middle of my back.....So I am back off on Monday to get them removed....
So last night Dave came home and replaced the hose and belt on my car and lucky it appears no other damage has been done .......Thank goodness
AND today is only THURSDAY!!!!!!!!

Ok I have serched the soul

Yes I know it has been a while but this is going to be one of those heavey D & M posts so you dont have to read it. It is more for me to get things out and to heal the soul

OK I thought that this would be easy, I know what is in my head but putting it down in words is proving difficult.
I guess if I started at the beginning…
Why have I put on 20 kg????
The main reason I can think of is the fear of intimacy…not wanting anyone close so that they can hurt me or my kids. I know that if I am fat no person will find me attractive and want to know me but deep down inside I don’t want to be alone. I am also scared that if I find a prospective partner that it will end up another failed relationship and I don’t want to put myself or kids through that again.
Plus why would anyone want someone who is divorced and has 3 kids…..
I know this all has to do with self worth and esteem
By how have I come to this point in my life, why has my self esteem plummeted to the point that I would allow this to happen.
I was a happy athletic teenager and I had my first serious boyfriend at 15, unfortunately my adolescent romantic Ideals were destroyed by him at the age of 16 when he had an intimate interlude with my mother. This absolutely destroyed me and to make matters worse I went back to him as I thought I had no one to turn to. My parents were going through a nasty divorce and both of my sisters had there own problems to solve. It didn’t help when the boyfriend turned around and said if I told anyone that he would put a knife to his wrists and it would be my fault. I stayed in this abusive relationship for another 18 months until I got up enough courage to leave him. My mother and I to this date have never spoken about this.
The next few boyfriends I made sure subconsciously that my mother would hate and unfortunately I married one of these. He was never outwardly physically abusive apart from the squeezing of the arm or leg if I said of did anything he didn’t like. He was always putting me down verbally and always classed me as a second class citizen. He also lead me to believe that if I EVER left him he would take the kids but he did me a favour by ending the marriage when Talia was 20 months old and I was 13 weeks pregnant with Eloise, I knew I never would have had the courage to leave him.

I was happy bringing the girls up on my own, I was a size 10-12 and 63kg I had a couple of part time jobs and I was socializing. But deep down I still wanted to find MR Right but I thought that no one would want to take on 2 small kids so I move to Victoria to be closer to family, before I left I had been contacted by an old acquaintance, he happened to be the ex best friend of my first boyfriend. He was interested and didn’t mind the fact that I had 2 small kids so PR came over for a visit from Perth.

I look back now and see that I was desperate for someone to like me that I totally missed that he was another not nice guy. Only after PR moved over and hurt one of the girls and leaving a huge bruise on her leg, he was told if he EVER touched the girls again I would leave but the final straw came when my mother came over for Christmas and she confessed to my sister that in fact her and PR had previously been intimate……It didn’t matter that I was 18 weeks pregnant I was no longer going to stay in a damaging relationship.

Over the next 17 months I put on a staggering 20 kgs and this was after I gave birth to a 5.36kg baby boy. I knew I was making my self fat so that NO ONE else would ever find me attractive. I don’t know why I woke up to my self and decided to come out of this spiral of emotional and physical self-destruction.
So almost 9 months on I know that I deserve better and that I am a nice person who deserves to be loved. I have a long road ahead of me and it wont be easy and even now I am not sure if I will trust my self to find a nice guy but I know once my self worth is where it should be that I will know longer attract the deadhead abusive males that I have previously attracted

73.8 kg

Well after my disgusting splurge on chocolate over the weekend I weighed my self this morning to find that I have lost the weight I had put on over Christmas/new Year. This is a huge relief as It is hard work and I wont have to start all over again, I am only 1 kg off my lowest weight to date.....
I admit I have been very slack with my eating over the last few months and I am sad to say that my goal date has come and gone....APRIL
But I am still positive that I can loose this weight.

On a different note ....I am addicted to watching the biggest Loser...This is purely my sisters fault, she started it.
Normally I usually watch it for mind numbing entertainment but last nights show made me think....
IT was delving in to the emotional reasons why the contestants allowed themselves to reach the excess weight. And that there is no point in loosing the weight if the original reason for the gain is not confronted.
this made me think of myself and why I have allowed myself to put on 20 + kilos.....
I had it all figured out and pin pointed what, when and how it all began and when I have some more time I will type it out. It will be therapeutic and hopefully I will be able to put the past behind me and move on...

A Huge Catch Up

Well the girls left on Friday .
We were to meet their dad at the departure lounge at 9am as the plane left at 10am. We made it with 5 min to spare....We left home at 6.30 and only just made it. Eloise was very nervous and really didn't want to go. Not that I blame her as she has only seen her dad 3 times in the last 5 1/2 years.
I said goodbye to the girls at the car as I knew if I stayed to long at the airport I would cry so I said that I would drop them at their dad and leave as this was his time with them. I also didn't want to be around him any longer than I had to. I was feeling pretty nervous about seeing him, it had been 4 years but I was relieved to see that he was FAT....I know that isn't nice..... But for a man who prides himself in how he looks and used to criticize me about every gram that I gained (or lost) this was a petty but small victory. I came away a much happier person.
The girls hugged me good bye and I am please to say that I didn't cry and we left.
My niece and I then drove to High Point ( A HUGE shopping centre in Melbourne) to do some serious shopping and eating....

I know I was naughty but we had pancakes for lunch, went to the chocolate bar for afternoon tea and Italian for dinner....Plus there was cheesecake at home waiting.

I managed to buy myself some new runners. At $200 I nearly choked at the price but if they get rid of the pain in my shins when I walk I will be eternally grateful.

So since Saturday the girls have rung and they are having a nice time, they were pretty pleased about having a queen bed and their own room each.

The house is VERY quiet and I miss them like crazy...My eyes burn every time I think of them.....Only 24 days till they come home......

I've Been tagged again

OK I have been tagged again by Sue V so here goes

What scrapbook lines/products etc do you dislike? Umm I cant think of anything at the moment...Everything as I have a serious scrappers block at the Moment

What is the hardest thing you ever had to scrap? Prob my wedding photos, I only did them for the girls to look at

What technique do you use more than anything else? Keeping it simple - is that a technique? Otherwise it is paper layering

What is the smallest scrap of paper you save? I save everything but I forget to use them.

Have you ever had any scrapping related injuries? No not really apart from a numb bum and sore back

Finish this sentence If I wasn't a scrapbooker/stamper, I would spend my money on?…hmmmm DVD's or I would find some other compulsion

Give your best storage or organizational idea.Umm I was given some of the vertical storage holders from Pam at Scrap StashThey are fantastic, I am going to buy some more when I settle Perth

.You just won a week long scrapbooking cruise for 5. Who is going with you? Yeah right there is no way I would get on a cruise ship so I would have to give it away

When you received your first publication notification, who did you tell? I havnt been brave enough to submit anything yet...

I now tag Jenni T

Happy 8th Birthday Talia

Happy Birthday Talia
I cant believe she is 8....
We had a lovely party dinner with party pies and sausage rolls, pizza, little boys, chips and little quiches. Talia received lots of books and a little frog in a shell that she was admiring at the Murrabit Markets from Aunty Jenni. I bought her the New Narnia Chronicles but I bought the second book by mistake so I will have to go and buy the first one for her.
I made a love heart cake and had help from Miss with the decorating and Talia loved it. I put a sparkler on the top but Talia was not impressed but at the end of the night she turned to me and said it was her best birthday ever!!!!!

Almost there

Yesterday was a nightmare, but it is over. Jenni, the kids and I went to the Rochy house early to pack a few things ready for the big shift with the trailer. We managed to get the kids bunks and draws in the trailer and take that load back to Dingee. Once home Dave went down to get the furniture trailer so in the mean time we put up the bunks. Miss and I then went over to Rochy to wait for Dave, Jen stayed home to bath, feed and put the kiddies to bed. Miss and I shuffled things about so that when the time came it wouldn't take much time....Well as family tradition goes...Everything went to shit. Jen rang, Dave had broken down on the way over so she had to pack the kids in the car and go help him. They eventuality reached Rochy at 7.30pm. Thankfully a neighbour watched the kids while we cleaned most of the house out. We ended up taking the doors off the fridge instead of the house and this saved so much time, the trailer was full and Jen and Dave headed off at about 9.45. Miss and I got the kids and then ordered pizza for dinner..
We ended up getting home at 10pm...Very tired
There is only a small amount left at the house...A trailer load, then it is just a load to the good sammys and a load to the tip.

Today everyone was tired but the trailer is empty and we are going nowhere
I have to make a cake tonight as it is Talia's 8th birthday tomorrow...
Hopefully I will find my camera in time !!!!!

I had forgotten

I had totally forgotten how horrible packing a house is....Why o why did I talk myself into doing this.....One very good reason......The feral neigbours...
I will explain the situation when everything is sorted and I am no longer living here. This is a small country town and things tend to get out...Even in blog land...So for those who are curious, please be patient and when I am settled far away from here I will spill all...

I have almost finished packing...Just my room and the laundry to go...And then the worse part of all.....CLEANING......

I was planning on getting a removalist to move me from here to Jenni's . I was expecting a couple of hundred considering its going to cost me $1700 to Perth, so I rang a few places for a quote. I nearly fell over $800....The cheapest was $500...So the good ole furniture trailer is being used again and brute strength...My poor back. Thankfully my BIL is taking a day off work to help and my sister ....I couldn't do this without them...

Well I better get back to the grind...

Plans have changed again!

What started it all off was that the kids and I stayed at Jenni's on Friday night as we had planned to leave early for the Murrabit markets on Sat morn...On the way up I was talking to Jen about my thoughts on moving in April as this would make the move a lot easier with only one child (the girls are going to Perth for a month) but this would leave me a lot short on the finances. I have had enough of my neighbours and I want out....
Then Jenni suggested that we move back in with her for the rest of the year, that way we could save heaps of money, get away from our nightmare neighbours and we could drive across the Nullabour at the end of the year together. This means we could do the Great Ocean Road and have heaps of money for the move, not having to limit the kids stuff etc....
The kids would go to East Loddon (which Talia started school at) and also Eloise could finished prep...
The only downside is that the kids and I would have to share a room and live out of suitcases for 7 months....But I would do anything to get away from the ferals next door...

The girls swimming carnival

The girls had their school swimming carnival today, so Matthew and I went and became the cheer squad. Eloise missed her first race as she didn't want to go in as it was cold but once she did she came 3rd in both of her races (with the help of some yr6's steering). Her confidence in the water is awesome, she was even swimming in the big pool.
Talia swam really well, this was her first "real" swimming carnival and it took her a while to get the hang of things...She came last in all her races but she tried her best and swam all the way instead of walking like some of the other kids did. I am so proud of my girls.
They are very tired and Talia has an intershool carnival tomorrow as well....

A spur of the moment thing.....

The girls had yesterday and today off school as the teachers had some kind of pow wow, so I decided on the spur of the moment yesterday morning to take the kids to the Melbourne Museum, I borrowed a friends Melways and off we went. I didn't go the normal way we go to the city and the 152km trip ended up taking about 3 and half hours and getting myself VERY lost. I am not confident driving in Melbourne as it is not the city I grew up in and I don't know it at ALL. But we ended up getting there and the kids were so excited. We had never been there before and it was well worth the effort. The exhibits are spectacular. Talia's favorite was the bugs alive where there is live spiders (behind glass) they even had tarantulas ......ewwwwwww......I took a photo of the girls with their faces next to the glass and the spider on the other side but they didn't turn out that well....But I will admit mine and Eloise's favorite was Phar Lap and yes I shed a tear when I saw him....Eloise was very sad (she is a horse lover) and was sad that he died and a bit to young to understand....I have wanted to see him since I was a little girl and it was worth the 3 and a half hours drive. I know it is just a stuffed horse ......But I am Australian to the core and he is such an icon....

We left for the long drive home and I didn't get as lost....Just a little......But half way home I came to the conclusion I WILL NOT be able to drive with 3 kids for 4 days from here to Perth....Just the last 2 hours in the car yesrterday was enough to give me a blinding headache.....We are definitely flying....

One problem solved.....

My 7yo daughter has been quite testing lately....Not getting to sleep until 9.30-10pm, talking back and just being a little imp (putting this nicely). I sat down tonight with her to see if we could find out why this has been happening. This behavior is not like her at all, but she is the type of kid who worries about everything and bottles things up (gee don't know where she got that from.....) I bought her a diary thinking that she might like to write things down but she hasn't been doing this either... She says she does enough writing at school
I asked her if there was anything worrying her and it all come out in a flood of tears...She is worried about the move, where are we going to live, will her new school like her and surprisingly about the drive there....She wants to fly...
I said if she wanted to stay here in Rochy we would but she wants to move to Perth, but she wants to fly as she is worried about getting car sick.
So we are flying....This puts a spanner in the works but I can work around this. It is going to cost a bit more than driving due to the cost of the flights AND car transport, but a positive is that we can take the cats on the plane with us...Another worry of hers.
Well now that we are flying this means we have to go before Matthews 2nd birthday (otherwise I have to pay for him as well)....SORRY AUNTY JENNI.....I know you wanted us to stay for both Matthews and Eloises birthday.
I have to try and find a transport company that will take a car...car transporters wont let you have anything in the car. I want to be able to pack the car to the rafters with all the crap that wont go in boxes.....Photo albums, computer, bedding...ect...
I need to try and remember the company that bought my car and stuff down from Kununurra....
So that's were we are at now....
And believe it or not Talia is now sound asleep.....

Look what I got today ......

There were 6 but 3 got eaten on the way home. I got a phone call from the school today asking me to come and pick up Talia as she had a headache and wanted to come home. So I ended up waking Matthew and drove down to Elmore. Of course Eloise wanted to come home to, but much to my surprise she left her class room with 6 biscuits she made me for valentines Day.

A dose of Panadol Talia was fine and she is going to go to school tomorrow. Eloise has the day off but I am not sure If I am going to take her to swimming lessons. I should....

Hope everyone else had a nice day....

The weekend....

On Saturday Night we went with Jenni, Dave and Miss to the Dingee Family festival. For $10 each and $5 for the kids we had a selection of Lamb, Beef, Pork, cold chicken and heaps of salads and it was all you could eat...The kids had heaps of fun as there was a highland pipe band and a jumping castle.
It ended up being a very late night for the kids...But they were having heaps of fun with some glow sticks and playing with some local lids.

Today was nice and quiet, I managed to vacuum, change all the sheets and did all the washing. The girls have just come home and I noticed that Eloise was scratching her head so I did the check and found some little critters in her hair.....GREAT!!!!!!!! NOT....

Talia's hair is clear which is a relief as de-lousing her hair is a nightmare...

So Eloise is being decontaminated as I type and hopefully this will be the only case for the year...We managed to be clear all of last year...

I'm not sure whether she got them from the kids on Sat night or from school today....I guess it doesn't really matter.

I've been tagged again

What were you doing 10 years ago?

Ok...Think...How old was I ...I think I was living in Swan View W.A, working as a dental nurse for the W.A government in Vic Park....Not a very memorable year...Nothing much happened...I may have gotten engaged to my Ex-husband....?????

What were you doing 1 year ago?

I was living here in Rochester VIC, Talia was in year 2 and Eloise was going to Kinder 4 times a week. Matthew was 7 months old

5 snacks that you enjoy:

these are all really healthy :)
1. Dark chocolate bullets
2. kabana and water crackers
3. gingernut biscuits
4. Vegemite sandwich
5. Violet crumble

5 songs to which you know all the lyrics:

1. National anthem
2. Unwell - matchbox 20
3. One - U2
4. Electric Blue - Icehouse
5. Groovy kind of love - Phil Collins

5 things you would do if you were a millionaire:

1. Buy a nice 4 bedroom home...So the kids can have a room each.
2. Make sure my sisters are comfortable...
3. Set up a trust fund for the kids education and future
4. A new car so that we could drive the nullabor in style
5. A huge scrapping splurge

5 bad habits:

1. Not standing up for myself, I am such a pussy and it makes me so angry at myself
2. Not being settled anywhere....I am sure I am a gypsy
3. Not tiding up, I wish I could keep my house tidier
4. Holding everything in and then exploding over a tiny little thing
5. Cry too easily....Everything and anything sets me off


5 things you like doing:

1. Spending time with my kids
2. Having a nice relaxing bath with a good book
3. Scrapbooking
4. Coffee and chat with my sister's
5. Reading

5 things you would never wear, buy or get again:

1. A blue lounge.....Shows up every mark
2. A wedding dress....That aint EVER going to happen again
3. Dark carpet...Again shows every mark
4. Nestle chocolate (that stuff is vile!!!!)
5. Bikini

5 favourite toys:

1. My kids, I could play with them for hours
2. My puter...Cant live without that
3. My scrapping stash...My sanity saver
4. My car...It gives me freedom
5. Game cube

5 people I am tagging:

I think everyone has already been tagged

I made it through the day

As you can see my boy is finally walking!. He has just gone 19 months. I am trying to take some more photos while he is still at that cute wobbly stage...

Well today went well, I took Matthew to daycare after the girls went to school. I had plans of talking to the co-ordinator to eliminate some of my fears but when we got there she was not there, so I stayed for a little while to watch him settle. There were only 2 other children, including D (child that was undisciplined) and watched the staff. I was ready to jump on anything remotely suspect. As toddlers do D played rough and to my relief he was told to play nice and was told to say sorry to the little boy (not mine) that he hurt....I was relieved... I will still talk to the co-ordinator when I see her.
I still had a few tears when I was about to leave. I said goodbye and gave him a kiss, he looked at me and then went back to playing....
I went back to a very quiet and empty house, I cleaned, I cooked dinner, I had coffee with a friend and I scrapped...
At 3.00 I drove down to pick up the girls as I wanted to know how they are settling in...They are doing fine and parent/teacher interviews will be held soon so I will find out a bit more then. I have also put my name down to help with reading in the P/1/2 room (Eloise's class) Friday mornings....
We then went and picked up Matthew who was happily playing in a ride on car when we got there. The carers couldn't speak highly enough of him...he charmed them all.... He even had an hour sleep...

So today was good....Emotional rollercoaster but good